I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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