So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
