you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Someone shattered a urinal.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
