well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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