he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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