My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
