the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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