i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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