We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize