walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
