How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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