moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
