i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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