Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
