Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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