Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
