just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's like iHOP with fire
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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