I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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