Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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