Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
