i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
