you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
