You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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