Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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