A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you never un-have a 4some
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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