He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
