I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
