I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
