and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
