too bad you live with your parents still
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
