What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
