I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
