The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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