We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
