They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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