he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
