there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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