put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
