Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
