I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
