Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who died my cat blue again?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
