i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
