I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
