Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You need Xanax blowdarts
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
