I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
