Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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