We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
