I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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