Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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