If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
