I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
