oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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