New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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