Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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