i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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