White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
