I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
