She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
