Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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