chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
